The boy back home told me today he was not leaving space in heart for me. We had this patched up deal where we were being freinds with options for when I get home to be decided in April. But his current girl is turning serious and he was going to make a go of it with her. It was a sad day. Heart break and silly hopes dashed. None of it sounds as real as it feels. But it feels real. I have to let go of the space in my heart I was keeping for him. This was something I was already working on but he wasnt making it easy. And letting go comes with pain, bitterness, and a feeling like this is harder and harder every time. Before long I will not be able to feel this way again. Blah.
And then I went to a bar and drank all the cocktails. Unlimited drinks, baby.
Maybe I'm too old to get drunk. Or at least happy drunk. I can manage the uncoordinated shit. Stumbling down stairs and spilling drinks comes easy.